Blue Like Jazz

I just got back from a morning walk around Wascana Park. It was very quiet and peaceful. There were a few other mom's out, some retiree's and some joggers. It's fairly windy so the trees were really rustling. Caden just loves looking around and is so happy to be outside. This gives me that entire 45 minutes or so to think.

I have had alot of thoughts going through my head lately. For the past quite awhile I have carried my faith around like a heavy load. I hated that it felt that way but it did. I was confused by that and troubled. But I just read a book "Blue like Jazz" by Donald Miller and he totally put words to how I was feeling. Or just explained it really well for me. I think I have been trying to define who I am as a christian by how I interact and contribute to my church. If that doesn't go well then I feel I am failing. Plus I had guilt when I didn't volunteer to do a certain thing or I was a little grumbly when I did participate in an event simply because it was planned and that's what you do. What this book reminded me to do was to remember what it's all about. I had become a 'church member' more than a child of God. I wasn't hanging out with Jesus if you will. I had blended the two things. I think they are different things. Jesus and I should be friends. We should talk and hear each other and be together. From that I should be able to go out and treat people like Jesus would (if only it were that easy). He loved people - all kinds of people. Everybody is just out there wanting to belong and to be cared about. He can offer people something that no one and nothing else can. It's so amazing and I sort of forgot how fantastic that all is.

I don't want to try to get more people to come to church - I want to make sure that the people I come in contact with feel loved and that they can all somehow know that God cares about them.

This sounds so obvious as I write it right now but I think it's one of those things that you have to remind yourself about every once in awhile That my walk with God is not a to do list. It is a relationship. I don't make a to do list of how I should be in a relationship with my friends or family. I don't say "give caden 3 hugs 7 kisses today" - I just love him. When I think about all that it makes me excited to contribute in my world (including within my church family) and more like it is my choice or my desire to do it.

Part of why this was so exciting to me is that I have been asking God to help me figure this out and then He sent an answer that I could just feel was coming straight from him. He led me to the words I needed at this particular time. So, I feel lighter and more joyful. I am once again excited to spend time getting to know Jesus. He was/is really wonderful and pure and good and truly loving. How can I possibly go on ignoring Him?

If you get a chance give "Blue Like Jazz" a read.