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A New Year - Looking Back and Looking Ahead

So, it's 2008. Thank goodness because 2007 just kept getting worse and worse for us. It was a tough year - that's no secret. But the cliche's are true - what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. I think back to the person I was at this time last year. We had an 8 month old that we had waited almost a decade for and I was thinking that our curse was broken and surely we wouldn't endure the same kind of pain we had in waiting for him, in waiting for the next child(ren). How could I have known that we would experience more pain, not to mention a whole new kind of pain. I haven't forgotten the joys that we have experienced though too. Watching Caden grow was and is a daily reminder of how much God loves our family and how He has given us such a precious gift. It still boggles my mind. I had been almost settled that we would never parent, never hold our own baby in our arms. And here he is !! But you all know that story.

God had alot more to teach us this past year though. I had no idea what was coming. It was a storm for my spirit, if that makes sense. I think I've gotten through the worst of that particular storm but have no idea if there is another one waiting around the corner. When the hardest time was here we had to choose how to respond. I did and still do fight against bitterness and frustration, hopelessness and confusion; The whole "this isn't fair" mentality. But I can't help but remind myself that I deserve nothing! None of us does. Each and every thing we have is a blessing that has been given to us and may be lost some day. I have no right to expect anything. That is what I have been learning. I have also been taught a harsh lesson on control - as in - I have none and the sooner I accept that and let go the better off I'll be. In all of these hard times God has been calling to me and I am feeling that as I start this new year. He wants me to lean on Him and to trust in Him. Only He knows what my life has in store and no matter what - it will all work out for good - HIS GOOD (not necessarily mine!). My New year's Resolution (if you want to call it that - it started a couple of months ago) is to lean on God more. That is what I hope to do - especially as we still await His answer to our prayers about adding to our family. But in more ways that just that. I want to Hear Him. I haven't been listening quietly enough for a long long time. He has plans for my life and I really want to be led by Him towards that. It'll all turn out so much better if I quit trying to make it go MY way and let it go His way - the oh so much better way.

I wonder what I'll be thinking about a year from now?...................

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