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Guilt and light up shoes

Caden has been doing pretty well but I think it's been a lot to take. I think he might be craving some quiet time like the old days. Just a day with he and I. Anyway - I've been feeling really bad for him and yesterday I was upset enough that I started to tear up because he'd gotten into trouble and I, being hormonal and overtired and riddled with guilt, started to cry thinking it's a terrible mess and will he survive it? Well, he sees me and starts to cry. Oh boy! So we hugged and hung out and we talked and we cuddled and it was all good.

Today was the day we were finally able to go out with him. My mom and I took him to the library in the mall to get some movies and books. Then he rode on the little cars in the mall hall way and got some jelly beans. We wandered down to Walmart for nuggets but on the way we stopped in at payless. We ended up seeing these "Cars" shoes that light up. He wanted them. I didn't really want him to have them. But then I thought "oh why not". So I said we could try them on. Well, he puts them on and his face lights up and I was sunk then. The guilt got me and he got Cars light up shoes. And marched around the mall in joy for the rest of the time. It was cute.

SO , I need to be careful that I don't spoil him too much during all of this. It's really really hard. Will I ever feel like I am giving them all enough attention? Being gone for a few hours with Caden made me feel bad for not spending enough time with the babies. Oh boy....

Comments

Anonymous said…
Sigh...you will and you do spend just enough time with them all. You are a sweet hormonal mommy!! And that is why we all love you (well maybe not the hormonal part...the sweet part though)...especially your little cars wheeling light up shoes dude!! Don't be hard on yourself...things get balanced out...!! And they all do and will know that you love them!!
You are cute...
T
6:50 pm
Anonymous said…
Oh Jen, I am just juggling two (not 4) and I am riddled with guilt. Like everyone will tell you they are all going to be fine! I just try to think that what my kids may miss by not being the only child they gain 100times more by having siblings in their lives. (not that only kids are bad - i'd be insulting myself haha)

We are so happy that you guys have this great big happy family.
6:50 pm
Craig,Leah,Lena said…
wow. what struggles to be going through! thanks for being honest and open.
you've been a great mom to Caden, that's not going to change! thinking of you as you try to find balance and peace with everything!
8:23 pm
Laurie said…
I agree with everyone! :)

You will do an awesome job with all of them!!

One on one time is important. And I even think a little spoiling once in a while is ok too!

I, too, have guilty feelings all of the time! I hate disappointing any of my kids! LOL

Glad you had fun with him!!
9:31 pm
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